You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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