Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
