I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
