420 ftw
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
