you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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