Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
