so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
