i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
