and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
