Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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