idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The Olympian is in my bed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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