I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
