dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
