What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
