U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
