My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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