You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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