I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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