pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
