well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
