Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
