i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
