i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
