In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
