my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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