the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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