I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
