Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
