i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just pee around me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
