That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Boobs are out for the taking
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
