OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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