Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
