pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
