sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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