Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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