he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
