Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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