oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
