Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
