Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
