how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
