highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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