you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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