no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
