girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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