Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
