he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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