I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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