sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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