He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
