mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
