Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
