you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
