O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
